Cheating: Does it make or break you?

Cheating is acting dishonestly, or unfairly in order to gain an advantage. 

This could be when someone is taking an exam or eats something they shouldn’t when on a diet but in this particular case, it is deception within a relationship.

“Cheating is a common occurrence, with around 60 % of men and 45% of women who will cheat in a relationship.”  – Steven Lerner

What constitutes to cheating in a relationship is difficult to define.

This is because different couples have different expectations of what is and what isn’t acceptable to do in their relationships and often the problem is that this is hardly ever discussed.

Some people believe that it is unacceptable for a partner to:

    • Flirt with others
    • Engage in sexual talk
    • Exchange text messages with others
    • Deny being married or in a relationship
    • Engage in specific types of contact—sleeping in the same bed with another person
    • Have sexual contact with someone else (physical infidelity)
    • Become emotionally involved with someone else (emotional infidelity)

Unfortunately, it is said that the majority of people get cheated on at least once in their lifetime.

But the important thing to do is turn the negative into a positive, if it ever happens to you.

These 6 points are key to not letting a cheater win.

    1.  Don’t blame yourself 

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The cheater may feel guilt and to help themselves with that guilt, they might try to push the blame onto you.

Their excuse might be “but you’re never there for me”, “you’re always working”, “it just happened” or “I didn’t want to lose you” but whatever their excuse, it is not your fault.

It’s easy for them to give excuses as to why they did it but the easiest thing for them to do would have been to get out of the relationship if they even saw the slightest temptation to cheat.

Breaking up with someone because you don’t trust yourself or you know you’re not being honest is better than hurting them by cheating. 

 2. Don’t blame the “other” one

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It goes without saying that the initial reaction usually always points the blame towards the cheatee.

Say a girl finds out that her partner cheated with a girl, she would will be named a ‘slag’.

And vice versa, a man would usually punch the man his girl cheated with.

But what if they weren’t to know? What if they had also fallen for the lies from your partner and didn’t know in the slightest that he/she was in a relationship.

Always look to blame the one who’s loyalties lie with you, the one who was supposed to be committed and the one who broke your trust – it’s their fault. 

3. Don’t forgive them because you miss them 

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Its very common for someone that’s been cheated on to have very low self esteem, a lack of confidence and barely any trust left.

But it’s important to stay strong and don’t run back to the one who made you weak.

Just because you’re feeling like this and you’re very vulnerable, don’t think that going back to them will take all the pain away. Because it won’t.

You may be happy for a while because they’re back in your life and they’re ‘yours’ again but you might never be able to get over what they did, or look at them in the same way.

And it’s only a matter of time – a leopard never changes its spots.

4. Don’t fall for “It was just one time”

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I’m not saying that every single person that has cheated has done it multiple times.

Fair enough some people make mistakes for various reasons and some people will give their partner a second chance and it all works out, which is great.

But don’t just fall back into their arms as soon as they tell you it was only one time. Make sure you are certain it was only one time, check your facts and know your worth. 

5. Don’t let it make you weak

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Relationship wise, cheating on your partner is at the peak.

It’s one thing that somebody can do to you which makes you feel worthless. But don’t let it break you.

Remember, there was a time when you weren’t with this person and there’s a chance that you was happy before he/she came along, so you can definitely be happy again without them.

Use this time to concentrate on yourself, do things that make you happy and do what you used to enjoy before they came along. Focus on yourself, nobody else.

6. Just surround yourself with good people 

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Once you’ve concentrated on getting yourself back on track, you’ll realise that there are many people around you who care.

It can be a very confusing , frustrating and sad process to try and get over what’s happened.

That’s why it’s important to surround yourself with people who really matter. People who understand you and will be there for you through the times when you need them the most.

The worst thing to do is be alone because all you’ll do is go through everything in your head, overthinking, trying to work out when, where, who, what and why. But stop, there’s just no point.

The best way is to move on and the best way to do that is to be surrounded by family and friends.

You’ve just got to remember, most of the time, they’re not really sorry that they did it, they’re just sorry that they got caught. 

By Phoebe Jobling

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